Stepping Aside

Eight of my eleven seniors - people who are one semester away from being high school graduates.

This blog is suffering from neglect caused by a new focus I have lately.

These days, I am pushing myself to get out in the community more every day in order to further my language goal more consistently and responsibly. And that junk hurts!

A friend who knows about this whole moving abroad and not knowing the language thing has compared the experience to being like an infant again, but as an adult suddenly unable to express thoughts or understand incoming speech. The same friend used the word "humiliation" to describe part of how the experience feels.

He definitely gets it.

Anyway, more time in the town - followed by time spent journaling my experiences completely in Spanish - will steal the attention that would otherwise be focused here. For now at least.

Relationship Status

Reminded me of me and the years of my life that are passing in Honduras.

The Man Who Has It All

The life I'm living in Honduras is just a continuation of a pattern that goes like this:
I get something in my head that I'd really love to do...then I somehow end up getting to try it.

That's something I am thankful for this holiday weekend.

Land That I Love

Feels unusual the degree to which I'm thinking about/missing home lately. If nothing else, I know it means I'm due for a trip back.

Perfect that the holidays are just around the corner.

It's all up to you

A few of my girls from 6th grade.

Whoever it was that said this in my hearing forever ago probably didn't know it would wind up changing my life:

Attitude is a choice.

Wordsmith

When you're reading a writer so good with language that you struggle to stop even though you know your pizza is getting cold...

Even in Spanish, a wordsmith is a wordsmith.

Yummy For The Tummy

Living down here means sometimes disregarding reservations you feel inside
and eating a food dish that days later makes you look up and remark to yourself,
"Hm - I never got sick from that food. Very cool."

A plate like this one wouldn't cause any reservations. I'd pound it down without hesitating!

Funny The Things You Miss

Small town Alabama was the site of my birth and my formative years. I still have a country boy heart, even though I grew up mostly in the suburbs.

Lately, I've been noticing that when I'm here in Central America, I miss the way some of us small town southerners speak.

With the bilingual Honduran teenagers and adults I speak English with, I tend to keep my speech pretty proper. But the absence of people who are fluent in the "country grammar" that is home for me is something I sometimes feel.

Did you know Honduras is mentioned among the countries most famous for making cigars?

It's Yours

One of the directors at my school also owns a fun little local cafe.

"Do you want to come work with me? The position is...
You'd be great. Will be a quick hiring, and I have lots of say in the position."

My old friend sent that note to me today from the midwestern U.S.

It's my 2nd time in two years to receive that type of message, and I can't help feeling excitement at the thought of making a big change and trying something new.

But I can't imagine abandoning my commitment to finish an academic year that's already set.

Also, I believe it's not time for me to be done with Central America just yet.

Wasn't Me

I came to this country two years ago thinking it was because for years, I dreamed of something like this.

Today, I have a different opinion;
I believe God actually struck the desire in my heart...the desire for the Spanish language, to be able to understand it and move comfortably in it.

We're Not As Big

Thought from today in Honduras:

These kids will put you to shame.

They seem so much bigger on the inside than those of us from back where I'm from.

Seinfeld List

One comedian made an interesting remark about Jerry Seinfeld.

If I remember correctly, the comment was that Seinfeld keeps a paper calendar strategically placed where he can see it every day, and the calendar has nothing on it but X's drawn by Jerry. When asked about it, Seinfeld explained that it's a work calendar; he, like other writers, has a goal of getting some writing done every single day.

He went on to explain, "My job is not to write great jokes -- my job is to keep that line of X's from breaking."

I liked that. In fact, I decided to start the same habit for a short list of important things I want to be doing daily. That's the reason I printed out a blank calendar so that next Monday can be day number one for creating a line of X's that I keep in tact and unbroken.

Free Money

Found 5 Honduran dollars on the floor beneath my feet in the taxi this morning, and I'm thankful!

Bright Side Of A Gloomy Season

Weather here is starting to turn...

I'm the type of person that can get cold easily. That's been part of the beauty of living in a tropical climate where the temperature is around 80 degrees most days.

But my new town is not as hot as the last one, and I think the cold weather portion of the year will be colder here. I may have to endure a couple months of things like freezing hands and feet and gray sky days that do not support my plant-like need for sunshine.

But today I found myself making a mental list of some positives...things that will help get me through the gloomy season:

1) Drinking hot beverages raises my body temperature and thaws me out. This helps a bunch, even if the beverage is just water, which is most of the time.

2) I'll have a break from the tiny, flying vampires that suck blood and sometimes carry pesky illnesses (I've never hated mosquitos so much in my life).

3) Having a blanket directly underneath me in bed helps with warmth, which is particularly needed in a place like this where there's no central heating in my apartment and I own no space heater.

4) Local cafes offer inexpensive tea and coffee and can be nice places to write and read and reflect and do some Spotifying, etc.

5) Thankfully, ice cream still works for me, even in the middle of winter weather!

Defender

So there are two individuals from Central America who I have a certain sense about.

The sense is that God expects me to contribute to their life rather meaningfully over time. And I mean real time. Years.

There's no connection between the two of them really. They even live in different countries. But both these people radiate! They're the kind of humans anyone could like. And I believe they each have a bright future to look forward to. Still, I can see a couple of areas where there is an absence of something that God apparently wants to provide from me.

Thinking about it all right now, I can't help but marvel at how cool it is to be chosen to perform something for the Master -- even when the work to be done cannot possibly be established without His help.

Part of the name I was given at birth involves the idea of being a defender. When I look back over my life, I definitely see ways that "defender" is an aspect of my identity.

This thought process reminds me of something I've been asking God to do lately:
"Put me in your service. What are you up to, and how can I help? Involve me in the creation and telling of your story."

I don't wanna lose it

Sometimes when I walk out the door and head down the sidewalk - always passing courteous locals on the street, I notice a feeling emerging inside me. It's the same feeling every time.

And it has to do with the desire to be in an environment just like this one for the rest of my days.

Celebrating

$5. That's the monthly payment for my electricity bill, and I'm thankful!

How much is enough?

So there's a song lyric that says, "Christ is enough for me..."

When I think about it, I believe that's true for my life. In fact, I've even said if God never does anything else for me, he has already done enough.

Here I am today in year three of a beautiful Honduras experience, and God has been busy. Specifically, he has been making big, huge promises about for the future.

Now, looking forward to all he has promised, it's interesting to think about the idea of Christ being all I really need.

I mean, what if suddenly all those blessings - everything God has told me to expect - what if all that was canceled? Is Christ all by himself really enough for me?

Another way to look at it is this:
when I think of the two or three things I've most desperately wanted God to send my way, what if he never provides them? Will my heart say Christ is enough then?

The prayer I pray every day, and the attitude I want to cultivate is that I appreciate every gift from God and always want the Giver more than the gift.

The one who teaches the teacher

I'm thankful for the teaching and ministry I receive from God.

It's amazing the things he can shed light on and define and expound on, even for situations I'm not living in now but will live in in the future. We're talking about the greatest teacher of all time, and he has the willingness and availability to take me on as his student.

These days, God has a lot to say about husband and wife relationships and the love of Christ for the church.

The latest lesson I'm glad he taught on the subject involves forgiveness, love, and relentless pursuit of relationship. Not only does that lesson speak to the way I need to conduct myself as a spouse someday, but also it helped me in the past week when my relationship with a group of my junior high school students felt strained.

Every year, it takes time for students to adjust to the high level of expectations I have for behavior and academic rigor. But in one class this year, the students appeared to be especially struggling to accept what I require.

When everything in me felt like letting a wall go up between them and me, I remembered the counterintuitive lesson from God and decided to find ways to move toward my unhappy kiddos instead of becoming disconnected.

And already, things are getting better.

Security??

Walked over to the bank today and was totally thrown off by what I didn't see on the sidewalk outside.

This photo (that was actually taken years back in the town I lived in previously) shows
the way guards with large weapons are typically stationed right outside each bank, accompanied by a gentleman
waiting to wand you in case you failed to leave your firearm at home.

A long holiday weekend celebration begins at midday, so I'm guessing that has something to do with the lack of security this morning in the few hours before most businesses close for the next few days.

It could happen to me?

I'm concerned about me.

When my heart and mouth asked The Lord to make me his favorite living sacrifice...his favorite fragrant offering, it reminded me of what Christ went through. The Bible says it pleased God to BRUISE him!

I want to be a fragrant offering to God, which could involve him bruising, breaking, ruining me for the sake of his glory. To be at his disposal is the true desire of my heart, and it scares the daylights out of my mortal body at the same time!

How will I handle it if actual suffering and physical harm come to my life because of him? How good will I be at doing what I know should be done then - fixing my eyes on Jesus and considering him in the midst of the pain, rather than growing weary and losing heart or crumbling under the pressure?

When I am afraid, how well will I be able to trust in God?

I can hear the words of Job, " Though he slay me, yet will I trust him."

Really, Job? Wow.

I'm concerned about me.

And about all of us. 

How much mere discomfort - much less pain and agony - are we prepared to withstand if God allows it to come? Are we right now practicing the things that will make us ready and able to stand? Christians around the world are familiar with suffering for the faith. Do we have a guarantee that we will not be called by God to go and join them? Do we have a guarantee that unprecedented persecution cannot possibly come to U.S. soil?

I hope we begin learning to rely on him before life brings a huge test of our ability to do so. God help us!

That's more like it

I'm grateful to be teaching classes I enjoy even more than at the last school.

What's the difference?

1. These days, I don't teach any literature classes. I never hated them but prefer the content in courses like the Grammar classes and Spelling classes I'm now responsible for. That stuff is my jam!

2. For the first time in Honduras, I teach 11th graders (who are actually high school seniors according to the way my new school is structured). The seniors are better equipped to handle conversations and creative writing assignments I probably wouldn't try with younger kids.

3. The experience of teaching 6th and 7th grade is also new this year. I admit I was concerned that their mentality and behavior might be too much like the things that make me never want to teach elementary school, but I have been pleasantly surprised.
Working in my favor is the fact that this year's 7th grade only has seven students!

4. Even the textbooks are better. The Houghton Mifflin English books I taught from before were of use but not the best fit for the background and cultural environment of these Central American kiddos. Too many unimportant topics and references Honduran kids would need extra explanation for, and all this for the sake of understanding details that won't benefit the lives of even those who go on to live in the states or study in U.S. colleges and universities. 

5. Each class from 6th grade through 11th grade has only one section. I don't remember feeling too annoyed to teach the same lesson twice every day in the past, but maybe 'one and done' is more desirable to me.

Scarred

Some of my Honduran adult ESL learners carry wounds from past classroom experiences. Unfortunately, they have a lot of fear when it comes to using the pieces of language they already know.

The reason? Some previous teacher reacted too roughly or else made the classroom feel hostile instead of safe, doing things like snapping at students for making an error in pronunciation or grammar.

Sometimes a teacher can have too little sensitivity or empathy when it comes to the experience of learners (especially foreign students learning a second language). Plus, sometimes there are folks that hold teaching positions despite having no gift, training, or experience as an educator. And that kind of situation definitely doesn't come with a guarantee that the person leading the classroom will treat learners carefully.

All of this means my job sometimes involves persuading and relaxing a student...making him or her feel safe enough to move beyond the fear of trying.

Music To My Ears

So I really love to hear live strings. It's actually one of my all-time favorite things.

I'm happy today because I just remembered that the university in my new town will give me access to something the previous town could not boast:

My #1 Turn-off

In Honduras, the thing I am instantly uninterested in and turned off by when I encounter it is...

People from the United States!

(HAHA)

In all seriousness - for some reason, when I'm here I sometimes have a low tolerance for situations involving tourists from the U.S.

Probably sounds weird coming from me since I'm not actually a native Honduran, but go figure.

He really cuts to the chase!

"There is no trespass in your entire history that you deserve to be able to hold against the person who trespassed against you."

That's something God said to me out of the blue in Honduras.

Flashback

Back in July, my notable day-before-leaving-Copán thought process began with this sense:
to spend two years with a relatively connected community of people and then leave (possibly) never to see any of them again is definitely weird. 

A moment later I realized this phenomenon isn't actually so foreign to my experience through life.

It dawned on me that what made leaving Copán seem so strange was that the community had impacted me profoundly and made me a different (better) person. It felt weird to be potentially losing that community forever. 

So now, I suppose I can do no less than salute Copán Ruinas -- living in that world made me a better human, a better teacher, a better judge of what's really important to me and what I actually require to be happy, a better manager of work/life balance, and a better communicator. It was good to have been there.

I'm Back

Got so wrapped up in establishing a life in the new town that I forgot about getting back to my blog!

Santa Rosa has been home for the past two months, and it feels really nice. In fact, I seem to be enjoying both the town and the school more than where I lived and worked for the first two years in Honduras. Thanks be to God.

Anyways, I intend to return to the habit of posting a few times a week. And I expect to have some interesting developments to report on over the course of the next year or so.

Take A Break

There´s a lot going on with closing out my life in Copan, moving to the new place, and figuring out my life there.

I´ll have to step away from the blog and pick back up a little later. Happy summer!

Out here in the boodocks...

Could not have said it better myself.

I'm the dreamer, He's the dream maker

The Guatemala border is about 15 minutes away from my apartment. But somehow, I have visited that country only once in the two years I've lived here.

Nevertheless, I sense Guatemala will eventually intersect my future in a significant way.

So glad the Lord directs my path as I chase crazy dreams.

Ministers in training at Hebron Ministerial Institute in Guatemala City.

There's An Art To It

So this describes a gift I've admired in my mom. Specifically, she has a way of making a point without making an enemy when she needs to address an issue with people or simply call them on their crap.

I don't know if it's just natural or if she had to work to get there, but she's expert-level good at taking a conversation where it needs to go without making any move that causes the other person to become offended and close his or her ears to the much-needed truth.

I want to live life more skillfully in this area.

Recognizing and talking about it now is a good step for me, and I think what will help is if I utilize the great model I've seen and go into confrontations by first imagining how mom would approach such a moment.

Am I Crazy?

A young woman who works in the school cafeteria is also finishing a degree program in psychology.

Actually, she and her family run the cafeteria, and they have always been really great to me.

After two years of observing me, the young lady asked this question the other day (in Spanish):
Mister, do you have obsessive compulsive disorder?

She also knows English, so she then switched to that language in order to expound, "I have seen the way your clothes are always neat and the way you are always wiping the table clean when you are getting ready to eat..."

Now my educational background is in mental health, so it was funny to be "diagnosed" in this way. I could not stop laughing.


*Probably I should've pointed out to my friend that such a diagnosis is appropriate only if the symptoms rise to the level of distress or impairment for the person.

My Babies

I'll come back to visit Copan someday and will no doubt see some of my kids all grown up.

Definitely not ready for it now!

Just the thought makes me feel like one of those parents that has trouble letting sons and daughters step into adulthood.

The teenagers clean up nice, eh?

Final Lesson For The Teenagers

Friday, our students completed their last exams and finished the academic year.

On the dry erase board in my room was the final lesson for the three grades I teach at the bilingual school. It was this:

Final lesson:

8th, 9th, and 10th grade -

You are the reason Mr. Joshua feels...

• Honored to be your teacher.
• Proud of how much you have learned in this classroom.
• Impressed by all the things you already knew.
• Glad that knowing you has made me a better person.
• Doubtful that I will ever feel more love for any other students in the future.
• Happy we were able to laugh, smile, and learn together in this room.
• Sad that I won't have the chance to share more of the same with you next year.

THANK YOU.

I made sure no one saw the information until the last period of the day. Up until then, the students had been unaware that I won't be back next year.

In those last moments, I saw some tears...some that were quite unexpected. I also heard some kind words that took me by surprise as well.

Sweet, sweet kids.

Found myself in nature, and I won't get lost again

I never expected to connect so deeply with a poem I taught in the Literature class.

It's a piece by Shel Silverstein that reminds me of a part of myself that I lost when I was growing up. The good news is that recent years and the experience in Honduras introduced me again to that part of who I am.

Everybody's A Comedian

When you're being treated by a doctor who is also your friend,
cheap shots will be taken.

"Surely that's not the only gown you have, doctor..."

This little town or that big ol' world?

"Mister, can I talk to you?"

Hearing those words, I figured I knew the reason one of my 9th graders had walked into the classroom after school. It was the end of the grading period, which made me assume he wanted to ask for some means of improving his average before the school prints report cards.

"Of course," I said.

That's when Luis explained solemnly, "My parents told me that I have the opportunity to go the United States and finish high school there with my family in South Carolina. What do you think?"

I spent the next half hour with Luis offering my thoughts, asking questions, and listening. "I don't have any answers for you - just thoughts and questions. The answers for your situation will come from you."

"Yes," he said.

Toward the end of the conversation, I asked Luis if he every prays about things and told him this decision seemed like a good thing to request God's guidance for. It was almost time for a meeting with my principal, so the last thing I did with Luis was take out a pen and pad to help him draw up the opportunity cost of moving to the states.

For the rest of the day, I was pretty blown away. I never expected what Luis had come to me about. Another thing that blew my mind was thinking back to when I was in 9th grade and wondering what I would've decided given a similar set of circumstances. I mean, living abroad for the past two years has been transformational and something I wouldn't trade. But that's me speaking as an adult about an adulthood experience I've had.

At age 15, would I have made the decision to go for it and move to, say, Spain to work on my Spanish and live with relatives there? Or would I have decided the whole thing was too big and too scary?

One can only wonder.

Victories

As we close the academic year, I note a few stories about the relationship between the teens and me:

• One group that was great but was not my very favorite believes it was, in fact, my fav.

• My favorite class knows how much I love that group, but I managed never to indicate to them that they're my fav. 

• Even though I also had a favorite student, he or she didn't figure it out (neither did anyone else).

Not a bad record to finish the year with. I consider those things to be victories.

Something Was Missing

Logging in to my email account, I saw that I finally had a message from the school I interviewed with in a town about three hours away.

As soon as I saw the name of the sender, I of course knew what the email would be about. It made my heart leap from a mixture of excitement and nerves.

What was I about to read upon opening the note?

The next thing that happened was my eyes noticed there was no paper clip icon signifying that the email contained an attachment. Wait - no attachment?? An offer letter email should have an attachment; how else can a candidate review the contract being extended and decide whether to sign?

YIKES!

Even more nervous now, I clicked to read the message. In it, my interviewer explained that he was sorry for the delayed communication. Then he informed me that he and his boss spoke and decided to ask me to join the team for next year!

Phew. What a relief!

I can handle rejection, but I love not needing to prove it.

After taking a few days to think things over, continue the dialogue with the interviewer, and review the contract he sent a couple days later, I accepted the position.

It's true I love where I am now, and it's also true that I'm looking forward to a new situation and new possibilities.

Life's good. Still.

"The best things happen while you're dancing."

Remember when your middle school and high school teachers used to say this:

Students, work with a partner - one of you needs to take a moment to spontaneously create an 8-count  of a dance routine to teach to the other person, who will then perform it in front of the rest of the class.

Yeah, I don't remember that either.

But my students will.

Kindness Is Timeless

Breakfast pals.

Greeted a man in town today who got a bigger smile than normal from me.

Later I realized that if I didn't happen to know he is losing his marriage and the mother of his children, I wouldn't have had that as a motivating reason to give an extra bit of kindness.

It reminded me of that quote that says, "Be kind for everyone is fighting a hard fight."

Six Word Bio

Knowing God

Feeling loved

Living dreams

These Are My People

O how I love motivational thoughts from writers for writers.

Reading a collection of quotes and insights about writing just made me sigh
like one of those young ladies gazing at the flowers on the table from her beau.

Into The Woods

I always love the green I see across our campus and surrounding it.

The annual Tree Day holiday gives students a chance to take part in simple
beautifying tasks on the grounds of our campus and in a few other parts of town.

This week's Tree Day celebration had the teenagers and me braving the woods behind campus in order to plant trees.

Being in the woods like that took me back in a flash to my school boy days as an elementary schooler. I realized I am thankful for the neighborhood kids I grew up with. They're who I followed into the woods we lived close to...without those kids, it's possible I never would've walked around in there...never would've touched the earth in there with my hands...never would've realized it's fine to sit on top of dirt and leaves and twigs and sticks...never would've tried exploring a creek in there and turning over big rocks to find what lives underneath...never would've developed my connection with the dust I was made from...never would've appreciated my fellow creation as fully....never would've known how peaceful it is in the woods...never would've known what kids today are missing out on...never would've known the need to have my own sons and daughters follow me into the woods someday.